Saturday, November 25, 2017 November 25, 2017

THAT THING CALLED 'SAVING YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE'

(Part 1 of 2) Foremost, this blog post contains my deep thoughts about sex and virginity. Honestly, I almost held back from posting something like this on my blog, but I'm happy to finally have found the courage to do so today. Throughout this article, I hope to share some insights about the topics by delving into scriptures, reminiscing some of my personal stories and fond memories that are topics related, and quoting excerpts from one of my top favorite books to illustrate various points especially concerning virginity. This post comes in two parts, Part 2 will be dedicated to the topic on virginity including the very reason why I've decided to come up with this blog entry, and why I consider this post special to me. While writing this, I'm aware that not everyone would agree with me on my views, whether in parts or in whole, but I'll continue to write anyway with the purest of my intentions to impart my thoughts and show respect to my readers, while maintaining my stance on the subject matter.




We live in this age they call millennial, an era brimming not only with high-end innovations and technology but also with modern, liberal and radical minds. From Generation X through the birth of Generation Y or the so-called millennials, so much transitions and changes have been taking place especially in regard to thinking and culture. Today's generation paints a culture different from yesteryears - a culture embracing new sets of trends, beliefs and yes, even sets of values. In this fast paced and ever changing world, how do we regard sex and virginity? Is staying virgin until marriage still important these days? Does a couple need to be united first in marriage before they can have sex? Do we really have to wait? What If one never gets married - would that mean he or she should never experience sex - ever at all? Is that so?


I grew up in an environment with 3-parent figure: both my parents and my uncle. My uncle was someone very strict and protective toward my older female cousins. He was never married and he stayed all his life with my family until his death a few days before I graduated from college. My uncle had his own set of major rules which, I may say, were subtly imposed upon my cousins. Rule No.1: do not hang out alone with guys in the street corners or anywhere especially in the dark. Rule No. 2: Do not engage in public display of affection. I would see him scolding my cousins or confronting their parents whenever he felt these rules were broken. There was a time when he caught sight of a guy’s hand resting on my female cousin’s lap. I heard my mother and my uncle seriously talking about this above whispers, and as a child I didn't exactly understand why, but I never had the courage to ask because in the first place I barely had an idea of what was going on.  All I knew that time I often played the role of a helpless and unwilling spectator whenever tensions broke out between my uncle and my cousins or their parents. In my own family, we hardly talked about 'matters of the heart' or about falling in love to be specific. We found it awkward to discuss such things in the family especially in the presence of my parents and my uncle.


If you would ask me if my cousins obeyed the rules I've mentioned above, I really didn't exactly know. But most of them have run away - with men who have become their husbands. As for me, I didn’t grow to be the prim and proper type. Yet at a young age, I developed a certain degree of boundaries when it comes to level of physical closeness and intimacy towards men.  I grew up to the idea that it is not right for unmarried lovers to hold or kiss or touch. I am not saying that this is something right, but my point is, this is my uncle's personal memories and legacies to me from childhood.  


SEX: ITS BIBLICAL DESIGN AND PURPOSE 

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him….So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep & while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:18; 21-22)


God designed man and woman as sexual beings - that is, they have longings, desires and need for sex. Apparently, God has instituted marriage so that these sexual longings, desires and needs are fulfilled and met. The first union of man and woman happened in the Book of Genesis, when God himself brought the very first male and female, Adam and Eve, into marriage.

"Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man." (Genesis 2:22)
 
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

The statement “they will become one flesh' reflects the celebration of sexuality in marriage: a gift for man and woman to unite in mind and heart. It best describes the oneness attained by the husband and the wife through physical union, during  which they are able to ultimately and fully express their fondness, affection and love toward each other while allowing them both experience and enjoy the pleasures that can be derived during the intercourse. Sex allows the married couples to connect (or reconnect), it binds them, keep them drawn toward each other. It helps them know each other more and to give themselves selflessly and completely to each other on a higher physical level - by being one flesh.


The Song of Solomon is one book in the Bible that contains allegories about love between a bridegroom and his bride. Various interpretations have been rendered on the book, such as some interpret it to be love of Christ, the groom, toward his bride, which is the church. Amidst these varying interpretations, we can see this book as one reflecting and describing love and romance among humans sprouting and blooming from courtship to marriage. Here, we see the lover and his beloved who has been brought together in the holy matrimony extolling each other, expressing their longing and desire and adoration toward each other and giving hints and glimpses of intimacies and pleasures derived from marital love.


In the New Testament, sex is defined as part of the marital duties between husband and wife. Paul gave the hint when he addressed the husband and the wife in 1 Cor. 7:3-4:  

" The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”


Apart from these, sex is used as a means to reproduce or procreate. When people get married and decide to have their family - that is, dad and mom plus kid/s (this is not always true and applicable to all, because I know some people who are open to having children yet prefer not to have one, once they marry). So we basically say that if two individuals want a child/children once they settle down, sex serves a higher purpose to the husband and wife; it becomes an instrument for them to fulfill their mutual dream and plan to build a family.


WHAT ABOUT PRE-MARITAL SEX (OR SEX OUTSIDE MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS)?

If sex was designed by God as a "gift" for sexual gratification of two people bound together by Holy Matrimony, what becomes of sex before marriage and sex outside marriage? Are they considered sins?


One scripture which clearly implicates sexual immorality as sexual activities involving people not husband and wife is found in 1 Corinthians 7. Here in this letter by the apostle Paul to the Corinthians, he was exhorting the brothers and sisters at the Corinthian Church to have their own wives and husbands because immorality was so prevalent among them (1 Cor. 7:2). Sexual immorality is among the sins, and in fact comes number one in the list of sins that the Bible warns us against in Galatians 5:19-21 and Ephesian 5:5.

"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”


 Above scripture does not intend to show that people ought to marry just in order to satisfy their sensual and fleshly urges and desires ; it does not seek to implore that marriage is a "cure" to sins specifically sexual sins. Sins, whether sexual or not sexual in nature, run deep into man's soul and human nature that marriage cannot ever guarantee an individual or two individuals to be spared from sexual temptations and sins once they get married. Rather, the scripture ultimately shows that the legitimate way to enjoy and celebrate sexuality is within the confines of marriage. Sex between girlfriend and boyfriend or two persons not husband and wife, is definitely not sanctioned by God. When two people enjoy the (sexual) pleasures not intended for them,  they are likely committing a violation of God’s will and design of sex. I remember someone giving an illustration that we are likely committing robbery (or theft) when we take or possess something not ours. That really makes sense. Imagine taking, possessing or owning something not ours or not given to us (yet) - will not that constitute theft or robbery? In the same way, having sex with someone before or outside marriage - is like robbing or stealing a good and beautiful gift meant only for married couples; and trampling this gift with disrespect and dishonor. Interestingly we see another teaching in 1 Corinthians 6:18 that when we commit sexual immorality, we are sinning against our own body which is the temple of God. 


Unless case of prostitution, premarital sex or sex outside marital relationships  do not usually happen right there and then that you wake up naked one day and realize you've given yourself and have lost your virginity to someone. No, it does not usually work that way. Perhaps it starts with small things, a little touch, a little kiss, and felt these little things oh-so- right - then you completely give it all away.


Some suggest that the sexual sins of King David found in 2 Samuel 11 did not happen right away. Maybe he watched Bathseba bathing from a distance not only once, maybe twice, thrice, and his lust grew more and more until finally he committed adultery with her. After that, David committed sin of murder by devising a scheme to kill Uriah, Batsheba’s husband.

David wrote a letter to Joab saying “Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die." (2 Samuel 11:14-15)


We refer to this as progression of sins. The New Testament illustrates this in the Book of James, in Chapter 1, verses 14-15 like this: 

"….but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin…”


Relating it to sexual sins, we may not be aware how little compromises can deceive us. A little touch, a little kiss, a little indulgence, - they do not look like a big deal after all. So why give a care about these little stuff? 


One time a friend told me that relationships are messed up sometimes. I agree with him. Not only in the context of our discussion that time; but with respect to love relationships or boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Today, there seems to be a great confusion with regard to sex. Being in a relationship for quite a while and you're getting really along well and in love with each other yet you do not have sex. That sounds impossible. In this age, how could that possibly be? Who would believe such a thing? Today, it's  easier for people to believe you're in a relationship and you are having sex than you're in a relationship yet you (choose to) stay out of bed. In such case, what would have become of virginity? (With Part 2)
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Tuesday, November 21, 2017 November 21, 2017

HALO-HALO: THE BEST COOLER IN TOWN THIS SUMMER

(Note: Originally posted on www.city-cost.com on August 27, 2016 in Japan)

Yes, this is the best cooler this summer. But mind you, I may be a little biased about this, but as you read on, you will see why I think this way. And may I add, this is not an ordinary shaved ice. This is a bowl of concoction that can surely cool you down and give you that truly refreshing feeling now that the weather is hot. 

This is Halo-Halo, a popular dessert / refreshment snack that has been around for so many years in the Philippines and is now available in some Filipino restaurants in many different countries like Japan. Halo-halo has been a popular cooler in the Philippines since time I remember, usually during summer, but it has evolved into a well-loved dessert or oftentimes a refreshment snack available to all Filipinos from all walks of life almost all-year round from the small cafeteria or eateries in the street corners to high-end restaurants and dining shops in various places across the country. Halo-halo (pronounced as hah-lo’ hah-lo’) which literally means “mixed”, is a bowl or a tall glass of shaved ice that comes with portions of yummy native ingredients. Fruits and sweet treats tossed in one glass or bowl, with shaved ice, topped with ice cream, a scoop or two, and with lavish sprinkle of evaporated milk…Imagine all that, Uhm, what can you say? 

         Well, what do you think about this bowl?

Halo-halo evokes fond childhood memories, when I, along with other children in the neighborhood, would run across the unpaved road in our village, scratching my head under the sweltering heat of summer sun, towards the small space along the street, where a wooden bench and a small table were set up, to buy a glass of halo halo from an auntie. You would know that someone was selling halo-halo in the street corner because the ingredients, usually in clear canisters, were neatly and carefully arranged on the table. Back then (oh until now) we call everyone older than us auntie or ate (atche in my own dialect) even though we are not related to each other by blood. There, with all the child`s wonder, innocence and excitement, I would order a glass of halo-halo and eagerly watch the auntie put the ingredients onto my glass one by one, first the sweetened saba (a local variant of banana),  then the sweet potato and so on and so forth including the well-loved ingredient when I was a kid, the sakobi (small rounded chunky - munchy gel usually in red color). That time, I think it would be kind of special when you would have other ingredients like purple yam and the pinipig (pounded immature rice grains). After putting all the ingredients, she would manually shave ice from an ice block with all her might, place the shaved ice onto the same glass, on top of the ingredients and then pour on some coconut water and then the most important ingredient: evaporated milk. I think those were the times then when I often secretly wished that the auntie would pour an extra amount of milk onto my glass. ehe. I would then pay the auntie seven pesos (P7.00) for my glass of halo-halo (that is, if my perforated memory serves me right about the price). Seven pesos is approximately 15¥. My childhood memory is like that, enjoying this summer delight at an affordable amount!


    This is me holding my bowl of halo-halo. Can you get a glimpse of that smile on my lips?


Perhaps my fondness for halo-halo is intertwined  with sweet memories when I was a child that it has grown to be one of my faves. This is why I think I maintain some prejudice when it comes to summer coolers wherever I go. I have tasted shaved ice here in Japan and other summer concoctions but nothing comes close to the taste of halo-halo, in my own opinion. In Singapore, there is this called bo-bo chacha, a shaved ice dessert that is closely similar to halo halo except of course for some local ingredients and the main ingredient used. Halo-halo's main ingredient is evaporated milk; while Singapore's bo-bo chacha uses fresh coconut milk extract, giving the cooler a more distinct creamy and yummy taste than halo-halo. Likewise, Malacca's ice cendol tastes really nice, and it is a very famous ice cooler in the said part of Malaysia, but because halo-halo is close to my heart, I would say that I love halo-halo more than Bo-Bo chacha and ice cendol. Now you see, I am very biased.


When I heard that a Filipino Restaurant near my place here in Japan is serving this Filipino specialty, I was so delighted! Along with my colleagues, two Japanese and one Brazilian, I went to the restaurant where we feasted on some Filipino dishes called caldereta and sinigang. Then we ordered halo-halo for our dessert! We have assumed that each of us could not finish one bowl, because it looks big on the photo. So what we did was we ordered only 2 bowls for sharing - and yes we had enough, and actually, even more than enough! One bowl is big for someone who eats moderately (surprisingly, I am a moderate eater...oops, am I? ehe). A bowl of halo-halo served at that restaurant where we dined can be shared by 2 to 3 people :-)  This time I have affirmation for my personal taste because my colleagues liked the halo-halo, too! It's oishi katta desu!


Halo-halo is served in many different ways in the Philippines with prices ranging from P20.00 (approximately 50¥) to --- well, I could not actually tell the price for an order of halo-halo at an upscale restaurant. The most expensive halo-halo I have tried so far in a good restaurant cost around P200.00 more or less, but then again, I don't rely much on my 'photographic' memory for the price accuracy.  But one thing is for sure: the higher the price, the more ingredients that a bowl or a glass of halo-halo contains; and the more ingredients and the more special the ingredients become, the higher the price of an order of halo-halo becomes. Oh just now I remember having halo-halo (create your own) over some buffets in some nice hotels. But I could not exactly remember the details, please forgive me for my poor memory :-(

Usually, a regular glass or a bowl of halo-halo contains the following ingredients:
* sweet beans
*coconut gel
*palm nut
*boiled sweet potato 
*boiled saba (a local variant of banana; not the usual banana that we know)
*young coconut shreds/meat (but if you want it more special, you can use macapuno, a a special coconut variant)
*sakobi (this is how we call it in Tagalog) but I think most people now don't use it for halo-halo anymore, so I say this one is optional
To make the halo-halo special, you can add these ingredients. Take note that the following are optional YET CAN MAKE THE HALO-HALO REALLY SPECIAL AND MORE DELICIOUS: 
*pinipig (pounded immature rice grains)
*ube or the purple yam
*leche flan (a delicious sweet dessert in the Philippines which is like a caramel pudding)
*ice cream (preferably ube flavor or vanilla)
*fruits, usually jackfruit, fresh or sweetened (not all people like the taste of jackfruit so I say this one is optional)

And don't forget the shaved ice and the evaporated milk. These are the two main ingredients :-)

So what are you waiting for? Go to the nearest Filipino restaurant in your area and ask if they serve halo-halo or you can make your own. Toss the ingredients and enjoy :-)
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