Saturday, November 25, 2017
November 25, 2017
THAT THING CALLED 'SAVING YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE'
(Part 1 of 2) Foremost, this blog post contains my deep thoughts about sex and virginity. Honestly, I almost held back from posting something like this on my blog, but I'm happy to finally have found the courage to do so today. Throughout this article, I hope to share some insights about the topics by delving into scriptures, reminiscing some of my personal stories and fond memories that are topics related, and quoting excerpts from one of my top favorite books to illustrate various points especially concerning virginity. This post comes in two parts, Part 2 will be dedicated to the topic on virginity including the very reason why I've decided to come up with this blog entry, and why I consider this post special to me. While writing this, I'm aware that not everyone would agree with me on my views, whether in parts or in whole, but I'll continue to write anyway with the purest of my intentions to impart my thoughts and show respect to my readers, while maintaining my stance on the subject matter.
We live in this age they call millennial, an era brimming not only with high-end innovations and technology but also with modern, liberal and radical minds. From Generation X through the birth of Generation Y or the so-called millennials, so much transitions and changes have been taking place especially in regard to thinking and culture. Today's generation paints a culture different from yesteryears - a culture embracing new sets of trends, beliefs and yes, even sets of values. In this fast paced and ever changing world, how do we regard sex and virginity? Is staying virgin until marriage still important these days? Does a couple need to be united first in marriage before they can have sex? Do we really have to wait? What If one never gets married - would that mean he or she should never experience sex - ever at all? Is that so?
I grew up in an environment with 3-parent figure: both my parents and my uncle. My uncle was someone very strict and protective toward my older female cousins. He was never married and he stayed all his life with my family until his death a few days before I graduated from college. My uncle had his own set of major rules which, I may say, were subtly imposed upon my cousins. Rule No.1: do not hang out alone with guys in the street corners or anywhere especially in the dark. Rule No. 2: Do not engage in public display of affection. I would see him scolding my cousins or confronting their parents whenever he felt these rules were broken. There was a time when he caught sight of a guy’s hand resting on my female cousin’s lap. I heard my mother and my uncle seriously talking about this above whispers, and as a child I didn't exactly understand why, but I never had the courage to ask because in the first place I barely had an idea of what was going on. All I knew that time I often played the role of a helpless and unwilling spectator whenever tensions broke out between my uncle and my cousins or their parents. In my own family, we hardly talked about 'matters of the heart' or about falling in love to be specific. We found it awkward to discuss such things in the family especially in the presence of my parents and my uncle.
If you would ask me if my cousins obeyed the rules I've mentioned above, I really didn't exactly know. But most of them have run away - with men who have become their husbands. As for me, I didn’t grow to be the prim and proper type. Yet at a young age, I developed a certain degree of boundaries when it comes to level of physical closeness and intimacy towards men. I grew up to the idea that it is not right for unmarried lovers to hold or kiss or touch. I am not saying that this is something right, but my point is, this is my uncle's personal memories and legacies to me from childhood.
SEX: ITS BIBLICAL DESIGN AND PURPOSE
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him….So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep & while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:18; 21-22)
God designed man and woman as sexual beings - that is, they have longings, desires and need for sex. Apparently, God has instituted marriage so that these sexual longings, desires and needs are fulfilled and met. The first union of man and woman happened in the Book of Genesis, when God himself brought the very first male and female, Adam and Eve, into marriage.
"Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man." (Genesis 2:22)
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)
The statement “they will become one flesh' reflects the celebration of sexuality in marriage: a gift for man and woman to unite in mind and heart. It best describes the oneness attained by the husband and the wife through physical union, during which they are able to ultimately and fully express their fondness, affection and love toward each other while allowing them both experience and enjoy the pleasures that can be derived during the intercourse. Sex allows the married couples to connect (or reconnect), it binds them, keep them drawn toward each other. It helps them know each other more and to give themselves selflessly and completely to each other on a higher physical level - by being one flesh.
The Song of Solomon is one book in the Bible that contains allegories about love between a bridegroom and his bride. Various interpretations have been rendered on the book, such as some interpret it to be love of Christ, the groom, toward his bride, which is the church. Amidst these varying interpretations, we can see this book as one reflecting and describing love and romance among humans sprouting and blooming from courtship to marriage. Here, we see the lover and his beloved who has been brought together in the holy matrimony extolling each other, expressing their longing and desire and adoration toward each other and giving hints and glimpses of intimacies and pleasures derived from marital love.
In the New Testament, sex is defined as part of the marital duties between husband and wife. Paul gave the hint when he addressed the husband and the wife in 1 Cor. 7:3-4:
" The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Apart from these, sex is used as a means to reproduce or procreate. When people get married and decide to have their family - that is, dad and mom plus kid/s (this is not always true and applicable to all, because I know some people who are open to having children yet prefer not to have one, once they marry). So we basically say that if two individuals want a child/children once they settle down, sex serves a higher purpose to the husband and wife; it becomes an instrument for them to fulfill their mutual dream and plan to build a family.
WHAT ABOUT PRE-MARITAL SEX (OR SEX OUTSIDE MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS)?
If sex was designed by God as a "gift" for sexual gratification of two people bound together by Holy Matrimony, what becomes of sex before marriage and sex outside marriage? Are they considered sins?
One scripture which clearly implicates sexual immorality as sexual activities involving people not husband and wife is found in 1 Corinthians 7. Here in this letter by the apostle Paul to the Corinthians, he was exhorting the brothers and sisters at the Corinthian Church to have their own wives and husbands because immorality was so prevalent among them (1 Cor. 7:2). Sexual immorality is among the sins, and in fact comes number one in the list of sins that the Bible warns us against in Galatians 5:19-21 and Ephesian 5:5.
"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”
Above scripture does not intend to show that people ought to marry just in order to satisfy their sensual and fleshly urges and desires ; it does not seek to implore that marriage is a "cure" to sins specifically sexual sins. Sins, whether sexual or not sexual in nature, run deep into man's soul and human nature that marriage cannot ever guarantee an individual or two individuals to be spared from sexual temptations and sins once they get married. Rather, the scripture ultimately shows that the legitimate way to enjoy and celebrate sexuality is within the confines of marriage. Sex between girlfriend and boyfriend or two persons not husband and wife, is definitely not sanctioned by God. When two people enjoy the (sexual) pleasures not intended for them, they are likely committing a violation of God’s will and design of sex. I remember someone giving an illustration that we are likely committing robbery (or theft) when we take or possess something not ours. That really makes sense. Imagine taking, possessing or owning something not ours or not given to us (yet) - will not that constitute theft or robbery? In the same way, having sex with someone before or outside marriage - is like robbing or stealing a good and beautiful gift meant only for married couples; and trampling this gift with disrespect and dishonor. Interestingly we see another teaching in 1 Corinthians 6:18 that when we commit sexual immorality, we are sinning against our own body which is the temple of God.
Unless case of prostitution, premarital sex or sex outside marital relationships do not usually happen right there and then that you wake up naked one day and realize you've given yourself and have lost your virginity to someone. No, it does not usually work that way. Perhaps it starts with small things, a little touch, a little kiss, and felt these little things oh-so- right - then you completely give it all away.
Some suggest that the sexual sins of King David found in 2 Samuel 11 did not happen right away. Maybe he watched Bathseba bathing from a distance not only once, maybe twice, thrice, and his lust grew more and more until finally he committed adultery with her. After that, David committed sin of murder by devising a scheme to kill Uriah, Batsheba’s husband.
David wrote a letter to Joab saying “Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die." (2 Samuel 11:14-15)
We refer to this as progression of sins. The New Testament illustrates this in the Book of James, in Chapter 1, verses 14-15 like this:
"….but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin…”
Relating it to sexual sins, we may not be aware how little compromises can deceive us. A little touch, a little kiss, a little indulgence, - they do not look like a big deal after all. So why give a care about these little stuff?
One time a friend told me that relationships are messed up sometimes. I agree with him. Not only in the context of our discussion that time; but with respect to love relationships or boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Today, there seems to be a great confusion with regard to sex. Being in a relationship for quite a while and you're getting really along well and in love with each other yet you do not have sex. That sounds impossible. In this age, how could that possibly be? Who would believe such a thing? Today, it's easier for people to believe you're in a relationship and you are having sex than you're in a relationship yet you (choose to) stay out of bed. In such case, what would have become of virginity? (With Part 2)
